You’re not just another, who thinks it’s too late to find love. My five-part series, An Unlikely Mrs., is for you. This is part five of my dating story.
The first four installments of An Unlikely Mrs. recounted decades of prayers for my future husband (link here), my battle with chronic pain (link here), the well-intentioned but damaging advice – you don’t need a man (link here), and my empowering realization: the problem is me (link here). This last installment is about the good, surprise ending to my dating story, when a forlorn plot seemed written in stone.
A Better, Surprise Gift
Years ago, I wrote:
If you believe Jesus left the best possible place to go to the worst possible place just to have a relationship with you and give you access to his abundant, perfect love, His gifts haven’t ended. If you believe He died for you and rose again, you better not give up, because He didn’t give up on you. His gifts probably won’t be wrapped in the packages you expected, but if the One who died for you gives them, I think they will be pretty good.
The full post is here.
God’s gift of my husband wasn’t wrapped in the package I expected – not the timing or circumstances I wanted – it was exponentially better. After decades of prayer, personal challenges and dating failure, I don’t think that’s chance.
Mostly, Uncertainty
Except for the last sliver of my dating story (when I was dating my husband), the ending bewildered me. I couldn’t binge-read this one.
I didn’t escape pain or suffering. I experienced shattering heartbreak and disappointment.
I could (and did) compare my situation to women who met spouses earlier than I. I learned comparison is useless, because my obedience and faithfulness to God can’t depend on anyone else, and God’s outcome for my life only depends on Him. If my life were the same as someone else’s, that would be boring.
When I routinely heard women claim a husband and beautiful home in their future, I was perplexed. I hadn’t read God’s promise of these things, although I wanted them. I could ask, but God isn’t a vending machine. His plans are more exquisite than the snapshots of my dreams.
Of course, I’m not saying: don’t work for what you want. Decisions have consequences. I am saying: my job is to trust and obey Him and work hard. God will take care of the rest, and it will be better than what I imagined.
Winks of Assurance
God winked assurance of His complete care and redeemed dispiriting details. A well-meaning friend made fun of what he assumed were my dating standards. He joked something to the effect: you’d need someone who memorized the Bible. It nicked my heart my friend seemed to think my standard was rote piety.
My husband is the most erudite Biblical believer, and he isn’t a pastor. We relish discussing history, religion and politics. I think God remembered my tiny wound from the off target joke.
When someone called me a pejorative name due to my physical boundaries, it more than nicked my heart. When you’re single and make it to a certain age, there’s a surplus of unsolicited, critical commentary. God remembered and redeemed this one, too.
When I was dating my husband, it was like God playfully arranged insubstantial details and responded to hopes I hadn’t even prayed about.
In our first month of dating, I realized my husband and I had purchased and framed the same map. This wasn’t a sign he was the one, but it was a happy, highly specific commonality.
I didn’t want a wearer of tight pants (a surprising number of heterosexual men wear tight pants) or excess hair gel user (if I spend more than ten minutes on my hair, it’s probably for a black-tie affair). I worked with stuffy attorneys and thought I wanted a man who didn’t preen in a suit. I appreciate a good suit and/or good attorney. I do not appreciate the self-satisfaction some accessorize with these. My husband is antithetical to all three no thank yous.
A Good, Surprise Ending to Every Story
The best part of not giving up is experiencing God’s good, surprise endings. If you believe He’s good, trust and obey Him, the ending to your story is the same as His – the best ending to every story. The cross wasn’t the end; conquering brokenness and death was the plot all along.
I think Jesus’ resurrection ending applies to every broken story. I don’t know where (earth or heaven), when (fifty years or eternity) or how a good ending will happen, but He’s promised to reign in the end and, therefore, at every end.
The goodness, surprise and hope of Jesus’ resurrection applied to my dating (and now, marriage) story. If this application of God’s sovereignty seems beneath Him – to entertain a little girl’s sappy dream – consider: lonely, loveless and childless should be adjectives reserved for adults. I don’t think God conserves His ear and goodness for those who don’t subscribe to fulfillment from intimate human relationships.
Don’t Give Up – You’ll Miss His Exceptional Ending
Whatever your dating situation, if you believe in a good God who gave His Son for you, don’t give up. If you give up, you’ll miss His exceptional ending.
Ephesians 3:20-21 reads:
Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Years ago, I also wrote:
I really don’t know why He loves me so much, but I’m trusting the One who did all of that for me with my dwindling dreams of my own felicitous family. And, even if that particular ending (adorable husband and wild, crazy, sweet little ones) is only for others, whatever my unique ending, He has promised to be in it. Thanks to Him, even though I’m bruised up, I can keep fighting for my dreams, because with Him, I’ve already won.
God continues to do immeasurably more than I ask or imagine with my dreams of a felicitous family. He gifted me a husband better than my dreams, and, despite extremely challenging, unexpected health issues, he recently gifted me the most beautiful daughter.
After marriage, motherhood also seemed unlikely (see my post, Surprise After Marriage, here). God had given me the best surprise gift in my husband, and then more physical pain and health issues commandeered my married life (see my series on endometriosis, here).
After endometriosis surgery, the surgeon said what I have is “worse than cancer”. Every doctor (I saw several surgeons) couldn’t help or was uncertain if they could. After I got miraculously pregnant, a well-known surgeon said I’d probably miscarry. I’m writing this post during my incredible, healthy baby girl’s nap.
Jesus defies circumstances. I still don’t know how the rest of the story will go, but I know I want Him writing it. The ending – and the middle – will be much better. Hold on for a good surprise.
