If an individual’s worth is a cultural value, I’m not sure why casual sex is in season. Our culture celebrates detached pleasure as a badge of freedom or shrugs at it like a non-event. It probably is much more fun in the moment. Every individual should have the freedom to choose for herself.
The issue here isn’t whether an adult has unrestrained sexual options. The question that matters is whether indifferent intimacy is a good idea. As a woman, I’m curious why those who claim to value women encourage women to have meaningless fun, when meaningful partnership is a more physically and emotionally satisfying experience.
Culture empowers women to choose a variety of partners while avoiding natural results. Casual sex proves you’re free from society’s constraints (so they say). Why do women have to accept society’s rules at all? Rebelling to break a rule reveals the rule, not your own decision making, controls your choices.
Women who control themselves are mocked. These who exercise self-control are bold and different. This difference, unlike others in our culture, is jeered. Choosing this incidental thrill is now following the crowd, not leading it.
Either way, cultural expectations seem to box women in. Casual sex has become the conventional, and this convention should be broken. Apathetic passion is now the humdrum status quo, and it’s bland. Bland is exactly the opposite of what fun (and rebellion, for that matter) should be. Real flavor takes time to simmer. A woman could have a man in love with her body or in love with her body and heart. The latter offers a more enjoyable experience.
Since each woman is smart enough to make her own choice and strong enough to withstand cultural pressure, is fortuitous fun the best choice? To thoughtfully examine this question, let’s first sing Ed Sheeran:
I’m in love with the shape of you
We push and pull like a magnet do
Although my heart is falling too
I’m in love with your body
And last night you were in my room
And now my bed sheets smell like you
Every day discovering something brand new
I’m in love with your body
A man who is in love with a body but who isn’t quite there about the soul inside that body – what a … dream? What woman doesn’t want to hear a man say: “I’m in love with your body but not sure I’m in love with you, yet.” No, thank you. I prefer and hope for a man who falls in love with my heart and mind, too. I might as well add I would like a man with more depth. If that’s what he’s primarily into, he’ll be searching for the newest, perpetually changing, best looking edition. Definitely a no, thank you.
To analyze the next aspect of our question, let’s belt Lady Gaga. I’m trying to show “my heart” and “use my mind” here, so please no one, “do what you want, what you want with my body.” A body is inherently dignified – so is the heart and mind connected to it. But, I’m sure there are those who will want to “stop my voice”, because they want to “do what [they] want, what [they] want with [everyone’s] body.” This leads me to my third point. Germs and disease from an acquaintance don’t seem romantic or peaceful.
Besides opening the door for men to be distracted by a body and miss each woman’s unique personality and gifts, getting closer to men in the bedroom more quickly seems to be keeping women farther from the altar. Perhaps, some applaud an expansion in the rank of single women. I don’t know one single gal who is clapping her hands at being alone.
According to research by Mark Regnerus, Ph.D., a sociology professor at University of Texas at Austin, the decrease in young American marriages is linked to cheap sex. Cheap Sex and the Decline of Marriage, The Wall Street Journal (Sept. 29, 2017), https://www.wsj.com/articles/cheap-sex-and-the-decline-of-marriage-1506690454). It makes sense fewer men want to marry if sex is easily accessible.
What may be the worst consequence of empty ardor is the opportunity for men to behave independent of responsibility. They can use women for fun without regard to their emotional needs (and women use men, too). It may lower general expectations for men’s treatment of women beyond an individual experience. Men will be men, but, ladies, I think we can do better. Let’s raise the standard before raising another attraction.